Meh…

Obstacles… Obstacles… Obstacles.

As a child, riding horses, I was always taught to get back on the horse when I fell off.. and I fell off many times and every time I did, I would get back up on the horse, once even with a broken arm and dislocated shoulder. So that quote was never just words for me – it was something physical.

With that being said, WHY am I finding it so hard to get back on now that there is no actual horse involved? Every time I start getting somewhere with my training something happens that hinders me and throws me back 500 steps when I have just managed to complete 300 steps! First it was my teeth in February then it was bronchitis and now a stupid ass sprained pelvis! {if you are sensitive to swearing close your eyes now} FUCK! I know it may sound super petty, it’s not like I was in a terribly accident and lost a limb or something but it’s not petty too me … not when my heart, soul and will are put on the line!

I am struggling to stay positive … I feel so utterly defeated … Even pretty much force feeding myself motivational quotes and trying to make them a mantra doesn’t seem to be working, I make one movement that reminds me that my back hurts and I am back to feeling as though all my hard work has been thrown in the bin and I just don’t know if I have the courage to ‘start again’ – I say that in inverted commas because I know that I won’t REALLY be starting over again – it just feels that way.

Do I just throw in the towel and call it a day? Saving myself from further disappointment or do I fight through it?

It’s actually pretty stupid that I even pose that question because my heart knows the answer … I won’t, can’t, give up but it’s just SO hard. I have come so far … *hangs head and shoulders heave*

When the morning alarm goes off and I just want to creep into the duvet and stay there – I can’t train for another week … *SOB* There are a few people who totally understand how important my training and goals are to me so they will understand the utter sorrow in this post – for those of you that don’t – that’s ok too because I know that somewhere a nerve was tweaked {figuratively of course} because obstacles have a way of getting under everyone’s feet at a pivotal time in our lives …

But we MUST get up and keep on going! It’s not about whether you fall down, it’s whether you get back up! Right? RIGHT?

There is this fire, this voice, this insatiable hunger inside of me that tells me ‘No, you are NOT done and that is the reason I don’t hide… I will have moments of utter defeat during this time {like right now, hence the post} but it’s the moments that I feel I won’t give up that I will try to hang onto for dear life! I will get up … I just want to lay here for a moment – that’s ok too right? Give life a running start for when I do? 🙂

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xoxo

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3 thoughts on “Meh…

  1. This week will fly by! We all have those little bumps in our life that set us back 2 steps but when you are 100% you will go 10 steps forward. Guaranteed there will be more hurdles in the future that will set you 2 steps back again. But you rise above it and go 30 steps forward. Remember what it was like when you started and how far you have come. You can do it! Get up and ride that damn horse! Show ’em who is boss!

    I may not know you but I find what you are doing totally inspirational. Keep it up!

    Xoxo

  2. I remember another time when you had a pelvis fracture and you had to put your arms around my neck to help me move you anywhere. Put your arms around your child this this time and just enjoy the hug till you are better. See it as a hill with a escalator. It will pass. Love u.

  3. Pingback: Be Courageous! | Indigo Lines

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