Silver Lining? Anyone?

So this has to be the … THE crappiest month in all my 340 months that I have been alive! Where closing my eyes and wishing I don’t wake up until it’s over, or sometimes wishing I don’t wake up has become something I look forward to during the day.

It’s one of those months when someone asks the obvious, everyday question ‘how are you’ and you just want to fall to your knees and cry but you don’t, you hang on to every shred of strength you have left, no matter how tiny, smile and say ‘I am fine, how are you?’

It was all fun and games pretending to be all grown up when playing house-house and it was a “hands behind your head as you lay down watching the clouds” kind of wait to be an adult with your own house, your own car, and just a butterfly feeling of one day being able to have all the ‘perks’ that come along with being an adult … well, well, well – be careful what you wish for… {need I to say more?}

From possibly having to move out of our little house that I love so much {will be the 5th time moving in 5 years}, to a car that has decided that it would rather not work or work but set you up to have a heart attack at the mere thought of the engine exploding while out in the middle of no where, to money {obviously money}, to work, to wondering what the hell to make for dinner as this month Old Mother Hubbard has had more in her cupboard! Wanting to be the girl who ‘has-it-all’ … ‘cos let’s face it, I am a girl and I would like to walk into a shop, take the pretty top off the hanger and buy it instead of standing with my nose against the window watching my breath steam up…

To feeling forlorn in a room full of people, to saying goodbye to friends, to answers of questions I should not have even asked, to losing someone I love(d) so much because I tend to fight back for the sake of fighting back just to prove a point {although in this case I was accused before I opened my mouth}… I think I am going to stop right there… *sigh*

I miss my happy place!

I know that this will pass – it always does but holy moly it is taking its sweet ass time. So if anyone spots a silver lining in the distance somewhere and you don’t need it please could you pass it on my way…

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