Life…

Every day I am more and more convinced that life has a seriously warped sense of humor!

Life almost reminds me of myself. It appears hard and bulletproof but deep down inside it has a fragile soul that can break and splinter in a second.

I had that second yesterday when I got a phone call that my mom was in the hospital, pretty much the same feeling I got when I was told that Kagiso had passed away – everything around me stopped and I was snatched into a warp of tangled emotions. My fragile soul was shattered into a million, possibly irreparable, pieces. I couldn’t breath and for a spilt second my life felt unworthy…

My mom had a seizure and was in the ICU. That was all that I was told. I felt as if someone had reached into my body and gripped my ribs and heart with a deathly, breath-taking jolt. I could almost taste blood in my mouth.

After the dust had settled and my bottle of rescue remedy was finished, I was able to take a step back and watch my life vicariously through myself {if that makes any sense} I saw my life without my mom and it was empty and shallow and unnecessary. I beat myself up so badly because on Wednesday morning I was on the phone with her and I ended the conversation telling her that I would phone her back later which I didn’t and the ‘what if’ left my mind all battered and bruised. My mom is ok now, she is still in ICU and they are going to be doing tests to find the cause of the seizure so… everything is ‘ok’.

In between all of this I was blessed with a few moments with an old friend, a warm and an unpretentious comfort that put my cloudy emotions at ease. I then was given a chance to make amends with another friend that I would have not, under normal circumstances agreed to because, if you did not know this, I am as stubborn as a mule and I hold grudges but this thing with my mom left me open and vulnerable, reminding me that I, like life, am fragile and that life is far too short to hold onto something that can be rectified.

Image from Andrea Lia

So everything does happen for a reason, sometimes you are lucky to know the reason right away like I was yesterday, sometimes it can take 10 years, sometimes you will never know but it still happens.

Life’s yesterday’s twisted curves balls left me with an emotional hangover. So if you need to call someone … just call. If you need to say sorry … just say sorry.

Image from thenakedlistener.wordpress.com

xoxo

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2 thoughts on “Life…

  1. i think that chicken’s comments some it up to a T.
    really hope mum gets better hun.
    think you need some cupcakes.
    will come pop past this weekend and deliver some xxx

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